I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.

I’m not sure where this post is heading nor where it will end.  This week has been surreal and head-shaking and numbing; and has left my extended family in a state of painful anticipation of the unknown.  And all the while the world has continued to spin, while our hearts are slowly at this standstill of constant ache.  Since our family is not ready to release this ache into the world, I won’t comment anymore.  But, my need to write about it is under my skin, gnawing away.  So, I will start with something that I know is real.  Something that is constant.  Something that will always be.

In most families mothers are everything, IT, the queen of the castle.  There is nothing like a mother’s touch.  Mother knows best.  All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my mother.  Home is where my mom is.  And so on.  Yet, mothers complain that they are underappreciated.  Sure, we hear the majority of the whining; we are the bearers of our children’s constant want and need of attention; if something goes wrong it’s always “MOM!!” and rarely “DAD!!”  My husband can take a shower for 20 minutes and no one would ever think to bother him.  And yet, I don’t get one foot in the water and someone is whipping the curtain open asking me for some apple juice or if I know where the missing stegosaurus we lost three months ago is and if I can find it at that very moment.  Today, both my husband and I went shopping separately.  And somehow I ended up with both kids in a chaotic Target before an impending snowstorm.  I am quite positive most people heard me tell Maggie more than once, “You’re either in the cart or you’re out.  And if you try to change your mind while I am moving the cart, I will run you over.  And not look back.”  True story.  So, do mothers have it harder than dads?  Maybe.  But if we stop to think, would we want it any other way?  Because on the flip side, mothers get most of the love.  And the cuddles.  And the ‘I love yous’.  And the credit.  And so we wholeheartedly accept our role without looking back.

But, the dads, where are they?  What is their role?  The structure and dynamic of American families is drastically changing in more ways than one.  So, I will speak for the men in my life; because I feel truly blessed to come from a family and have married into a family with generations of great fathers and grandfathers and husbands.  So, where are these men I speak about?  These men, these amazing people are quietly in the background.  Tirelessly working and providing.  Always there waiting for when mommy has had enough.  And when mommy needs a very tall glass of wine.  They don’t need the acknowledgement, just the love.  Husbands with unwavering devotion to their wives; and fathers with steadfast love and support for their children.  Ordinary men that can turn into superheroes or princes or dragons when asked without blinking an eye.  A constant rock of support for their wives.

Last night, I came home from another long day of waiting with another long list of questions that have yet to be answered.  When I stepped in the door, I heard the whirring of the vacuum and I started tearing up.  My husband had worked for part of the day, then picked up our kids from my father (can we pause for a moment and be thankful for the granddads that are willing to babysit), and never stopped working when he got home.  Because somehow he knew that a clean house won’t fix my problems, but would give me a chance to just be.  To sit and breathe and enjoy my children after a day of anxiety.  Sure, we mothers live this life all the time.  But, we get the recognition. We get more “I Love Yous” and more cuddles.  And my husband, my children’s father, is ok with being second fiddle when he is anything but.  He works just as hard.  And to say I am merely thankful for him is an understatement of epic proportions.  The same goes for all the wonderful dads and husbands and men that are in my life.  And today, I hope wherever they are, whatever they are doing, they somehow know how much they are loved. 

Take the time to tell your husband, your father, your boyfriend, or simply your significant other how much you love them.  How much you appreciate them.  One day you may not get this chance...and today, you do.